the here & now

the here & now

my cousin catie - happy & stuck in the rain

I just got home from a family weekend in upstate NY. We drove an RV up to spend some time with aunts and uncles and cousins and dogs. We camped outside, spent a day by the lake, ran down country roads and through corn fields, and spent the night around the fire. Coming from a large and very close extended family, this is what grounds me.

But I’ve been going for a while now - a typical thought I have when things start to wind down at the end of the summer. I have a hard time leaving places, saying goodbye. And when it’s time to do so, I adapt by thinking of the next exciting adventure - the next flight, race, road-trip. I’ll think about the next time I’ll get to reunite with a friend, the next 50-person reunion filled with constant chaos, loud voices, and recurring stories. I look forward to the next time I’ll be in the ocean or on top of a mountain. The next time my friends will be in the same place or I’ll get to see my brothers. My mind shifts to new classes, a new apartment, a new season.

But I think I need to learn to be content when nothing is going on. Feel okay with average days. While I appreciate the down-days (and believe me, I do), they are usually a result of my “burning the candle at both ends” (as my mom says); this is when I really need rest because I can’t stand movement for much longer. 

I believe that surrendering to rest before you feel like you’re in over your head or exhausted is an important skill to develop (& one that I’m clearly still working on). I think it’s important to feel good when you’re alone, just you and your thoughts. The way I make sense of this all is by relating it to running; it’s impossible to get faster without recovery days and rest in between long workouts. 

Hm, kicking back isn’t always easy.

Stay peachy,
Mariah 🍑